Question

Zen practitioner for almost 10 years, I would need some useful recommendation.

I have always feared "locking up" situations. Sometimes, as a child, it was enough for me to be stuck in the middle of a queue, at the cinema for example, to feel the panic go up: palpitations, feeling of oppression, tingling in my limps... Generally, the crisis lasts a few minutes, and it is very episodical.

However I am sometimes still awaked in the middle of the night by a recurring dream: I go along a narrow gallery while crawling or between 2 walls, for example, and the space is gets narrower. I seek the light, sometimes advancing with my head at the bottom. This dream awakes me in a state of panic similar to that described above. I recently carried out the perfect analogy of this dream with the progression (difficult here) of a new-born baby out of the maternal uterus.

How to escape from this reminiscence, knowing that once that a pain-killer element awoke this panic, it is sometimes difficult to escape, especially at night. In this moment (it is the period) that creates a feeling of panic as soon as I get into my bed.

Tonight I tried to escape from this hell (which exists undoubtedly only in my own spirit) by sitting in zazen. While letting everything pass by. It is OK during the practice but it returned.

I understand better those who suffer deeply from unverifiable panic disorders, and feel plenty of compassion for them.

Thank you for listening.

Answer from Master Kosen

One passes through this gallery or tunnel to pass from one dimension to another, it may seem oppressive, but don’t fear anything, continue till the exit and there you will find your new prospects.

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