Hello Master Kosen,
I got question that bothers me very much and I'm somehow blocked because of it.
I did bad things Im ashamed of. Bad things I mean it is in relation to girls, relationships, my lust, desires, foolishness. My ex-girl recently broke up with me because of my mistakes I made - and Im in deep despair.
Is fact that she broke up with me related to karma? Is it punishment of karma?
I feel very bad and ashamed because of what I did, I pity, disparage, hate myself very much because of it. I couldnt control myself.
Its not just about girls - its about my family, I dont help them at home very much, they think Im good-for-nothing etc.
And I feel like absolute good-for-nothing. And like a sinner.
What can I do? Can zazen help me with this deep self-hate, self-pity situation? (but I know one must be mushotoku in zazen)
Thank you very much.
Answer from Master Kosen
"Our generation is too superficial for marriage. We enter marriage as we enter a McDonald's restaurant. Soon after, we switch. How can we imagine staying our entire life with the same person in this zapping society? When stars, politicians, arts, sexes, religions are more interchangeable than ever? Why would the feeling of love not be tainted by this overall schizophrenia?" Quoted from "Love Lasts Three Years" by Frederic Beigbeder
Mondo On the same theme : Love and sexuality
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You may want to see other themes of this mondo online, or ask your own question : see Mondo online : questions to zen Master Kosen Thibaut