Question
I began practicing zazen alone around age 17 or 18 and continued for six years, rather sporadically, I must admit, then practiced in a group at a dojo for two years. Practice literally set my body boiling (streams of energy in every part of my body), but it also brought up very strong and destabilizing emotions (guilt, fear, sadness, anger, depression) that seriously hinder my daily life. I also have constant headaches caused by a blockage of energy in my upper body. Needless to say, I am not in great shape. So seven years ago I decided to stop zazen, which I found too “violent.” I am still digesting these negative emotions. Despite everything, I am convinced of zazen’s benefits, having already experienced them. Can you tell me what happened to me? Should I resume my practice? If so, what should I change? If not, how can I “digest” this “upsurge of karma”?
Thank you in advance for your help.
Thomas
Answer from Master Kosen
I cannot tell you what happened to you; I am neither a doctor nor a therapist.
You must practice zazen without a goal, and the observable short-term results can sometimes be described as good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant.
But I always say: Zazen cures zazen.
Kosen