Question
Having practiced Zen for almost ten years, I need some practical advice.
I have always feared “confining” situations.
Sometimes, even as a child, simply realizing I was trapped in the middle of a row at the movies,
for example, was enough to feel panic rising: palpitations, a sense of oppression, tingling limbs… Generally the attack lasts a few minutes and happens very occasionally.
Yet I am still sometimes awakened in the middle of the night by a recurring dream: I crawl through a narrow tunnel, or between two walls, for example, and the space keeps narrowing. I search for light, sometimes moving headfirst downward. This dream wakes me in a panic like the one described above. I recently realized the perfect analogy between this dream and a newborn’s progress, difficult in this case, out of the mother’s womb.
How can I escape this reminiscence, knowing that once some innocuous thing awakens this panic, it can be hard to get out of it, especially at night? Right now, in one of these periods, it causes panic as soon as I get into bed.
Last night I tried to escape this hell, which surely exists only in my own mind, by sitting in zazen and letting it pass. It was okay during practice, but it returned.
I understand better those who suffer deeply from uncontrollable panic attacks and feel great compassion for them.
Thank you for listening.
Anonymous
Master Kosen’s answer
We pass through this passage or tunnel to go from one dimension to another. It may seem oppressive, but fear nothing. Continue to the exit; you will find new perspectives there.
Kosen