Question
I have been drawn to zazen and Buddhism for a few years. I practice every day, but
inside I have a fear that makes me cautious and slow to move in this
direction:
Around the same time, I underwent an introspective therapy, journeying into the subconscious
to understand certain things. I reached a point where I found myself severely
deteriorated physically and mentally, in a state I cannot explain. It was
panic. Sometimes I think I am one of those exceptions who should not practice
zazen and would be better off living with my neuroses. On the other hand, I feel many
benefits from practice; for example, I no longer take antidepressants. How can I
know I will not reach that extreme again?
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Hello, Lola,
Thank you for your question. The zazen you are beginning to know is different from
introspection into the subconscious, because it brings you into the dimension of the body and
into a balance of energy through breathing. So during the first year of
learning, zazen gives you strength and you learn to be aware of your body and your
breathing. It is wonderful: you can discover what you have always been. Then
introspection will return—or rather, knowledge of yourself. There is
nothing to fear in that, because the light of zazen will always shine above you and guide you.
It is very good that you no longer take antidepressants; you have already traveled part of the way.
Ultimately, what we fear is the world around us, in which we appear:
the fear of having no money, of having no love, of losing something, of making a mistake. And it
is normal to be afraid. You are not the only one in this situation; there are millions of people
like you. But among them, few are fortunate enough to find the Way and
practice it. So be happy: you have found a treasure.
Kosen