Question
Last time, during a mondo at Shobogenji, you said that women found it easier to find God, and that kept bouncing around in my head. I had something to ask you about sex and abstinence, because sex has always done me more harm than good. Because it is done badly. There is a true essence that is being lost these days; we need to reinvent it.
But since I do not yet feel that powerful, I want to ask you about sexual abstinence—an ugly name, like a disease. Or there is an even worse one: celibacy. Well, whatever you call it in French is better.
How can that energy be used so that it causes no more harm and destruction?
I mean sex.
I also wanted to ask whether you could say a little more about techniques for circulating that energy and, as a woman, changing the world simply by wishing it.
Don’t forget that I love you. Kóko
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Hello, Kokó:
Stéphane sent me your question to answer—as a woman or as someone who abstains? I don’t know. It is true that we often make mistakes with our partners, and in the end it is only chemistry, when what we wanted was romance, or even a ten-volume novel. With sexual energy, there are three possibilities: you use it with a partner, on yourself, or you sublimate it until you forget about it. It all depends on the circumstances of your life, and above all on your age. In the first case, most people are like animals: sex, sex, sex, and now I fulfill my desires and buy myself a husband, and either everything goes well or I am bored for the rest of my life. I think our society has had too much censorship around sex, then too much freedom, and very few people have been able to love sexually. I mean finding complete union with another being. It is a beautiful ideal. Sex alone is good medicine for loneliness, but it should not become a habit. It is a little sad, isn’t it? Abstinence should arise from looking at your karma and surveying your life, asking yourself: what matters to me, living alone or living with a man? Or this man who wants to pick me up—what exactly is he looking for, what does he need? Can I give him what he needs, or do I have other, more important things to do? Little by little, you see how you want your life to be instead of following the first dick that comes along. But you should not close yourself off. Always leave the door open; one day it may let the person you love appear. There are breathing exercises in Taoism. If you are interested, look for a book by Mantak Chia.
Take heart.
Best regards,
Kosen