Question
For some time, I have had thoughts that my life will end in suicide. These thoughts haunt me for long periods. I think they come from outside me because I LOVE LIFE in all its fullness, and this is contrary to what I would do. Why is this happening to me? Is this coming from me or from outside? Through zazen practice, will I be able to know what these thoughts are for and understand myself, so I can be at peace with myself?
Paula
Answer from Master Kosen
Hello Paula.
Thank you for your question. We have many thoughts in our heads, and sometimes they become obsessions. Where do they come from? They arise from many causes: fear of loss, fear of dying, for example. Clearly zazen changes this situation, because its way of thinking is nonthinking. So
we are close to our thoughts, intimate with them, and in that instant we let them pass. They are only visitors; they are not mine.
It seems a little complicated, and in truth you have to practice zazen to understand it.
Cordially,
Kosen