Question
Hello !
I have a question wich is bothering me a long time regulary. It is about a feeling of doubt. Very deep in myself, i feel doubt about most of the things i do in life. Even if i get things i wished for a long time, once they appear it can not satisfy me and i feel it is just another “thing” which i got in my life, a nother present to the allready full room…I feel and am afraid, that i miss something very essential, that i just have to make an important step in the right direction, something which is calling inside me for a long, long time allready. Instead, it feels like i get something superficial, which is not the real thing. So my innerself is always graving for that deep experience and tries to satisfy that graving with “worldy” gifts, like success or a new girl, but it does not work. After half a day the satisfaction is gone and when i really ask myself what i want from life - i know, that i want to “look behind” the matter, know my real self. Could you be so kind and reflect on that for me, please ?
Thank you very much !
OliverFranke
Answer from Master Kosen
You express a concern which is certainly the one also of many people in our society in the present time. In the old times people were struggling to find their food, to have a place to live, so the urgencies were there and the time was passing trying to survive. In our days, at least in the european world, these concerns are not so immediate. So the people ask then themselves the question: what can really satisfy myself? I mean fully, deeply, completely.
Once in US I was discussing with a colleague who was reading the results of the stock exchange in the newspapers. He said: at the end in fact, all that does not satisfy me. I asked him: what would satisfy you ? And the guy staid without saying anything, in fact he did not know.
Of course if you ask something only for yourself, you will find that at the end there is nothing. Each of us is part of humankind, so our person is not alone but contains this great part of the full humankind. Our life is somehow the life of humankind. Considering this interdependance, be fully with the others, help them, saving them from their doubts,is a big element toward reaching this satisfaction. For me such a satisfaction comes from the spirituality and religious mind (I don’t say religion). Inner faith in yourself is very important. Do not look outside to find it but inside. Nothing exterior will be able to fill this deep inner hole, only yourself.
For that to know his own mind is essential. For that one should be in a position to observe oneself, know oneself and becoming intimous with our body and mind.Full inner satisfaction is not only an idea, this is a deep feeling imbedded in your body, your mind. So to be close to his body-mind is essential. Many disciplines can help you on this path. The most direct one is zazen. Sitting (already sitting is essential in life) in a straight and noble attitude. Observing your breathing will allow you to go deep in your body with your mind, at the point where body and mind are not separate anymore but united. This feeling of peace, joy, happiness, calm and love will naturally fill you entirely.
I tell you: that will satisfy you beyond what you can hope. So go ahead, join the big sangha of the human beings practicing zazen every day, the posture of the Buddhas. Buddhas are satisfied with what they have, they do not search anything anymore, but give all what they have.
Kosen