Question
Since I began practicing zazen, I feel as though I have done a major spring cleaning inside myself. I have purified one of my bad karmas (there are still a few left; there is more work to do). My life seems simpler, I get anxious less easily, and I
”almost” no longer feel guilty.
I have realized that my mother’s death two years ago was a relief to me, and that I am no longer attached to my family (brothers, sisters, etc.). I know there are a lot of “I’s” in my summary.
Question: am I a monster? Doesn’t zazen turn us into beings without feelings or sensitivity? I am a little afraid of losing my personality.
Didier
Answer from Master Kosen
Having practiced zazen for more than 35 years, I have seen my sensitivity and love grow considerably, and even my human attachments deepen. I love life, I love people, and I never want to leave those I love. Wanting to embrace all beings in one’s love is also what Buddha does. Do not disfigure Buddhism through your misunderstanding. Caricatures, caricatures: those are the images we are given of our highest aspirations. Zen is not asceticism; it is our true human aspiration.
All your human aspirations, even those that seem lowest to you, such as wanting money, wanting to fuck, wanting power, and so on, are originally divine aspirations. You must rediscover the original purity of your aspirations. So being attached to your family is very positive. All the same, the relationship must evolve, becoming more sublime each day. That is what you have done with your mother, and it is great. So keep practicing zazen in freedom, love, and generosity.
Kosen