Question
I work in Iraq, employed in protection and so on…
…
I feel like an animal. I want to kill and fuck, and I am really
lost.
I do not know why I am on earth, what I
should do, or who I am. I am not afraid of dying or
killing; it is part of my life. I have even thought of killing you.
Is that right or wrong? I do not even tell people these things.
Tears come to my eyes as I write this, and I have not
cried in a long time.
Help me, I am lost. I am alive and dreaming. Tell me how to
wake up.
How can I practice meditation and breathing, how can I clear my
mind? How can I stop thinking?
Pete.
Pete
Master Kosen’s answer
All I can tell you, for my part, is that I love you. Whether you kill or are killed, I thank you on behalf of all humanity for sending this message of love and despair. It is the most beautiful act of war that could be performed. It concerns us all, and I am with you as much as I can. We are all with you, and I pray that we wake from this nightmare and understand that life is eternal, love essential, we are all forgiven, and these are only struggles inside a dream.
As Kodo, my master’s master, who fought in Russia in his youth, said:
“At the moment of death, perhaps we will have no trouble understanding: Oh! It was only a dream.”
But I wish you to live. If you know how to do zazen, do it. And do what you have to do at each moment. Remain in prayer and love. Make a pact with God: God, I am with you, and you stay with me. Even if I must kill or die, never leave me. Then let what must happen happen. I fear nothing anymore, for myself or others, if I am with you and in your love. This adventure will make you a man unlike others, and you will be able to help others.
Kosen