Question
I have recently started seeing a Zen monk whose practice is more
advanced than mine, and I must say his behavior toward me is
a little unsettling.
I have known him for a month, and we have spent only two evenings
together so far. After our last meeting, a week passed
without any news from him. When I decided to write and ask
how he was, he told me he had gone away for several weeks to
the provinces because he needed solitude and isolation.
He also tells me that becoming a monk has made him deeply
individualistic in his way of life, that he often likes being alone, and that
he is looking for a relationship without passion, everyday life, or routine…
Okay with all those points. I also think an authentic romantic
relationship should allow both people to be free, and that
attachment is a source of suffering that brings us back to our own fears
of abandonment. However, I do not think waiting for his pleasure is
a source of freedom for me, because even if I try not to think about it and
go about my daily life, I remain waiting…
Why should my desire be set aside in favor of his?
Master, do you think we need to be at the same spiritual level to
understand and appreciate each other? That would amount to thinking a practitioner
cannot consider a romantic relationship with a non-practitioner.
A little voice tells me I ask too many questions. Is it
my ego playing tricks on me, or his non-ego disturbing me?
Thank you for enlightening me.
Best wishes,
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
I love you, lie down here. Then afterward:
“No, you know, I am a monk. I want to be free, no attachment. I practice universal love.” In other words, I fuck whoever I want.
He screwed you, basically. Nothing spiritual about it.
Watch the film Samsara. At the end, there is a great scene showing women’s wisdom surpassing that of monks.
Do not let yourself be taken advantage of anymore. Negotiate before sleeping with a man, not afterward. In love, take your time and know beforehand, not afterward, what kind of relationship you want to have with someone.
Kosen