Question
Hello. A few months ago I went through a difficult event and periods of intense anguish. At times I thought about smashing everything or jumping out the window. I still managed to do zazen, hoping to soothe the suffering. Now that this period is over, I can finally ask you a question. At the height of the anguish, I managed to take the posture on the zafu, applying myself to assuming it as well as possible, as I had been taught. I then observed this: concentrating on the posture, a calm returned that astonished me in its depth. But scarcely had I finished zazen, bowed, and picked up the zafu when, in a “snap of the fingers,” everything returned intact: fear, sadness, anger, as though nothing had happened in between. Where, Master, had that intense suffering gone during zazen? And where did that impressive calm go when zazen ended? Gassho.
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Very good question.
Kosen