Question
I have practiced for a little over a year. I am hooked on sesshins, even if it is not always rosy. I am hooked on my daily zazen; I can no longer imagine living without it. I stopped smoking and drinking and feel better in my body and my life. I am gradually meeting myself… I am a little crazy, but it is cool… I even met a girl with whom I talk a little about my practice. She thinks it takes up a lot of space in my head and life. I find it hard to imagine us lasting unless she takes up zazen. I feel I am tripping alone on my planet, and when she gets drunk it upsets me. I want to tell her it is just a cheap, miserable intoxication, far from what we experience in zazen. I am becoming downright dogmatic and moralistic, like the people I could not stand when I was a party animal! I really like this girl’s vibe, but you cannot tether eagles. I am afraid of becoming utterly selfish in the name of my happiness. Where does compassion fit in? Must we drink and smoke to get on the wavelength of a sad friend? I have already lost myself in that too much…
Thank you for this messaging space; writing did me good. I feel a bit stupid… but
I am sending it anyway.
Anonymous
Master Kosen’s answer
You are lucky.
There is a reason Buddhists invented the notion of the bodhisattva. Of course, this is the theme of our lives as practitioners. We can get into the vibe without destroying our health; we can be true practitioners without isolating ourselves from the rest of the world.
I am sending you a poem by Master Nyojo that will help you understand…:
Recalling a koan
A monk asked Hyakujo what the most extraordinary thing was. Hyakujo answered, “Sitting alone on Daxiong Peak.” But I say to you: monks, do not be moved by such an answer. Let that fellow sit until he dies. If someone suddenly asked me today, “Master Jing, what is the most extraordinary thing?” I would simply answer, “What is special?” So what, in the end? I brought my bowl from Jingzi to Tiantong to eat my rice.
Nyojo.
Kosen