Question
First, I would like to express my gratitude for this space where we can express all the questions about life that concern us, and of course thank the human beings behind it: those who write, those who read, and those who answer with their wisdom.
During my last zazen, among other things, I was able to perceive the manifestation of my own behavior reflected very concretely. Obviously, I had not been aware of it, which is curious because all my life I have faced the consequences of these behaviors. At the end, I felt my heart open with great intensity and depth.
When I went out into the street, I felt so much joy in my heart that I wanted to contact the person I had been withholding myself from emotionally to avoid facing the consequences of true feelings, love, its circumstances, risks, and devotion—in short, a terrible fear of taking a chance and being wrong! As I was about to do it, my mind started arguing every side of everything, and I found myself trapped in that damned bubble, once again paralyzed by doubt.
What compass should guide my steps? My heart, even if it explodes, or the caution of reason, which does not want me hurt again and tempts me with a ticket to security and a little false freedom so I will not assume the risk of commitment?
Must we confront what we repress once it becomes conscious and act to resolve it? If I do not act, it will keep haunting me mentally. I will go on with my life, and it will remain unfinished, spinning endlessly. On the other hand, if I act, my mind will torment me with reason’s doubts and arguments. I cannot stay in the middle, if that is where I should be, or anywhere else!
THANK YOU.
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Act with your heart without worrying about the outcome. Concentrate on the exhalation to drive out doubt.
Kosen