Question
Hello, I do not know whether you will take the time to answer my question, because it is very specific, but I hope so. For years I have been fighting an illness, panic disorder with agoraphobia, which in my case is a form of social phobia. This means I have difficulty leaving home. Do you think I could practice Zen at home, alone? If so, how, so that it can help me overcome this ordeal? Needless to say, I have already tried many different things, in vain. I have not given up hope of finding a solution, perhaps through your enlightened answer… In any case, thank you for reading.
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Anxiety is the symptom of a fairly powerful process of development, but humans hate evolving because they have an uncontrollable fear of the unknown. The problem comes when we cannot pass the obstacle, like a horse on a course refusing a jump. The obstacle seems insurmountable, and anxiety becomes chronic. If that anxiety first struck you in an elevator, you will say you are claustrophobic; if it struck in a crowd, that you are agoraphobic—a convenient way to label this anxiety an almost predestined pathology that befell you. Thus you give it an importance and strength that prevent you from confronting it. I knew these phenomena of anxiety very well when I was young, and they still exist potentially within me today, sometimes expressing themselves like messengers. They too must be given their place. My first master’s teaching when I was eighteen: looking at me sternly and with a little contempt, he said, “Wallow in your anxiety.” To practice at home, simply practice at home. It is preferable to set a specific time and duration for your practice, which you must respect.
Kosen