Question
I am 33 years old, and since I was three I have wanted to live as a nun. As I was Catholic, I tried to become a nun, but after getting involved in that I realized that I could not remain a Christian. Then I took the zazen workshop at Casa Zen in Costa Rica, and I am sure it is my path. The people in the sangha are very special, but they are all professionals and married. I am not a professional, and getting married is not the kind of life I want. I want to go and live in a humble, secluded place, wear dark robes (simple robes), make crafts to sell (bags and cloth dolls), and if that is not enough to buy food, go out and beg, and live a very simple life. I have not told anyone, and the teacher does not speak to me yet because I have not been able to attend a sesshin. I do not dare tell anyone because I have never wanted people to think I consider myself “very good,” because that is not the case: I neither think so nor am I. On the other hand, I have now found my religion; I have no doubt. But since I am part of the sangha, I do not dare make my dream come true, so that the sangha at the Casa Zen center will not have to be ashamed of me. But, Master, I have been dreaming of that life for 30 years now. What can I do??? My financial situation is not the best, so I cannot see a way to go to Japan to become a real nun. Besides, I do not want titles, just to live.
Many thanks.
P.S. I have not told anyone this, but I can no longer bear to keep it bottled up inside and be unable to say it.
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Your dream is not so unattainable. It is actually a great blessing. Go on, go for it!
Kosen