Question
I separated from my husband three years ago. I live with my adopted daughter (six and a half), who finds the separation difficult to accept. She sees me as the strict mother who imposes discipline in her life, insists she study, and keeps her away from frivolous electronic gadgets. Her father comes from time to time to spoil her and supports us financially. Unfortunately, I also have a chronic illness—ulcerative colitis—and cannot work and earn a living to become financially independent.
Sometimes I see little hope for myself. My life lacks love. It lacks health. And my daughter, whom I adore, doesn't seem to like having me around.
When I do zazen, I feel more centered. But this well-being quickly disappears, and after a few hours I feel depressed or angry again, often falling into hysterical fits. What should I do? How can I move toward a better life? How can I regain the affection of my daughter, who is my whole life, without spoiling her?
Help me if you can. I live in Nagpur, India.
Kermaan
Answer from Master Kosen
Stay focused below the navel, four and a half centimeters below it. Keep your attention there and try to release this ball of energy. If you draw it inward, your energy will rise; if you push it outward and downward, the energy will descend. You can remain concentrated like this, as during zazen, keeping your attention on this point called the ocean of energy. It can help you with many other things that you will discover for yourself.
Kosen