Question
I have been going through some very difficult times lately.
My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have known each other for 25.
When I met my husband, he was already on this path, though perhaps not so deeply involved in Zen practice.
Eight months ago, his transformation began, and only then did my daughters and I learn that he would be ordained. We supported him unconditionally because he is a very good man.
I have had many problems in my marriage since then, perhaps because I do not understand Zen. I became suspicious of my husband because of a woman who told him she was in love with him.
He was ordained three months ago.
We always communicated very well sexually, but since he was ordained as a monk, our encounters have become much less frequent. He always finds an excuse not to come close to me. I feel very lonely. Lately I have been taking the initiative, but most of the time he rejects me.
I know sex is not everything, but I have always thought it was an important part.
I do not practice Zen, but I am very familiar with it.
My question is: does doing zazen inhibit sexual desire? Should I wait for him to take the initiative?
Thank you very much for your guidance. I deeply love the man I married, but sometimes he seems like someone else.
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
If this man does not take care of his wife and leaves her frustrated, then in any case he is going wrong in his own practice. If practice leaves the precious people in your family unhappy, it means this direction is completely selfish. It would be better to give up this practice and fulfill his responsibility properly.
That is what I think.
Kosen