Question
Hello, Master Kosen,
Ever since I began practicing zazen, I keep hearing this sentence: “
Let your thoughts pass like clouds in the sky.” If I am not
mistaken, that means not identifying with your thoughts: no anxiety
when thinking about work, no sexual excitement when thinking about my neighbor, no
anger when thinking about everything I will never get, etc. Well, I
cannot do it. If I think about work, I sweat; if I think about my neighbor, I
get a hard-on; if I think about everything I will never get, I rage, etc. So
my trick is to think of something else: my feet are ugly, no problem,
my nose is very nice. But sometimes it is really too hard. For example, this
morning during zazen, my thoughts were extremely active. I could not
stop them, and as soon as I stopped directing them to breathe or correct my
posture, they leaped at me like hungry lions. My face was
twisted with tension, my hands shook, and everything. Well, it is not that serious, actually; once my master said, “All of that is still zazen,” and he was quite right. The real problem is when it appears in everyday life: when I release my thoughts so I can concentrate on what I am doing, they immediately (well, often) become very negative: “Ah, shit, I don’t have a girlfriend, nobody loves me, I don’t have money to go to a sesshin, etc.” Then I become bitter, sour, harsh. I put on a shitty face and start looking at the ground. I pass my friends and avoid them because I am afraid I cannot be cheerful and will tell them to get lost (which does happen). And yet I would love to go
talk to them: “Hi, how are you? I’m great.” So that is why
I wonder how—but HOW—one avoids identifying with one’s
thoughts and lets them pass like damn clouds. Where is the control
lever or the button? Do you know? Thank you in advance for your answer, and
by the way, your symposium was really cool, with videos where we
could see you in person, and your disciple talking about bioethics and
gene therapy was extremely interesting. The Fukanzazengi (I don’t know whether
that’s how you spell it; Word won’t correct it, hahaha) of the future was brilliant too.
See you!
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Breathing dissolves all thoughts. When you think, you forget to breathe.
Kosen