Question
Master, my name is Maria. I am 47. I have been through some painful days lately, and coming here has calmed me. It has given me peace and joy. One day I will travel to be introduced to zazen, but I live five hours away from you. I have a boy whom I have been raising since he was six months old, under court-ordered guardianship. I thought he would stay at home for a while until he recovered, and then they would take him away. But no one ever came back for him. The bond is strong, but it has always had its ups and downs because I did not know how long it would last… A year ago, I said I could no longer care for him, that this was not what had been agreed. I have to decide whether he stays or goes. I feel like a monster… He was already abandoned as such a tiny baby… Do I have the right to say, “This is as far as I can go”?
I have seven older biological children… Part of me wants to do other things, but… do my wishes count?
I am ambivalent. But it would free me if someone said, “Lady, quit fucking around… The boy is staying with you. Things worked out this way. Take responsibility!!!!!!"
"Don’t be childish!”
Master, I am scared shitless of your answer!!!!!!!!
I could ask you a thousand more things.
Help me.
Thank you. You are funny, intelligent, and sometimes tough. That is good!
Maria
Answer from Master Kosen
Lady, quit fucking around…
Kosen