Question
Once again, you pass judgment on people without knowing them. What do you know about the slaps I’ve taken, or my age, since you talk to me like a little brat? You’re daddy’s boy, Thibaut, not me. And I’m the one who has been getting slapped in the face going to work ever since, at 16, I found myself without parents and out on the street, doing every odd job there is to survive.
When I ask a question about death, of course I’ve already put myself on the line. That means it concerns me, and in the short term.
As for being nervous, as you say, and little, to really crush people—another mistake on your part: I’m 50, I teach boxing in public housing projects, and I learned to control my nerves a long time ago, otherwise I’d have been dead ages ago.
I said: It makes me want to hit you. I didn’t say I would, and I never will. It’s only to tell you what you bring out in me by making prefabricated judgments about people you’ve never seen. Perhaps also because, despite the harsh life I’ve lived, I’ve never lost hope, and hearing your answer was a hope for me—you, a Zen master and representative of the Buddha. Eric Lerins.
Is a master—in this case, a Zen master—afraid of dying?
Intellectually, it’s easy to say no.
But in concrete terms: when a master has a very serious illness,
for example, and knows he is going to die, is he completely
free of the fear of suffering, of going through very painful
physical ordeals and physical decline, then the fear of leaving and
dying?
I am thinking of two masters:
- Master Deshimaru, whom I did not know, who said: It hurts.
- Jesus Christ, who said: Father, why have you forsaken me?
Thank you.
Eric Lerins
Answer from Master Kosen
In answer to your question: There is no courage without fear, no awakening without illusion, no purity without dirt, no patience without impatience—and you are impatient, aggressive, and rude like a little brat, even if you’re 50.
What does it matter to you how Zen masters die? They aren’t going to die in your place, and anyway, they’re like everyone else, or almost. So everyone is a Zen master, or almost, and everyone is going to croak, or almost.
As for your response: In this case, you’re the one judging and insulting me because I haven’t answered your question within a week. You think you’re so important and your question so interesting that I must give you attention and time on the spot.
If you want a deadline and a guaranteed answer, you just have to pay, like with Chronopost. I ask nothing of anyone and owe nothing to anyone.
Kosen