Question
Hello! Two years ago I went to a Teknival (an electronic
music festival). It went very badly for me because I had a panic
attack on LSD. I was afraid of going crazy and thinking badly of
others. Since then, I cannot have an affectionate thought about someone without
being afraid of hurting that person. It has been more than a year,
and I am beginning to feel deeply hopeless. I no longer take
drugs, and I drink no alcohol or very little. I think that in fact, whenever
I want things to go well, my thoughts return. When
everything is fine, I still have anxiety, fear. I always feel
I have to confront my fears. As a result, I am losing faith in
myself! What should I do? I think more and more about death because I sometimes feel
desperate!
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
You are afraid of going crazy, but your madness is being afraid. Madness is uncertain, but fear is very real.
Thinking badly of people is uncertain. We cannot really claim to love someone if we do not accept their bad side. Allow yourself to think badly of people and hate them if you want; a deeper love will spring from that. You are fighting yourself. Let yourself go, surrender, and you will find yourself again.
Exercise regularly, exhaust yourself physically, sweat, drink plenty of water, and shower.
Kosen