Question
Hello.
Thank you for your answer to my question about spiritual pride. I have just
read your answer about the legitimacy of your lineage in relation to the Sotoshu. I
have only done one sesshin with you. That day, I realized Roland was
the person with whom I wanted to continue this particular relationship, woven
from ordination onward. That said, to be able to feel this, I came
to listen to you, and I will do so again when I have the chance. Clearly, there is
growing unease since some people did indeed have themselves certified by
the Sotoshu, and many say they feel uncomfortable with all this without daring to
show it, which is a bad sign. What strikes me is the number of
people (including me!) who address you here, as if in their own practice
environment they could not find nourishment for their deepest
questions. A senior practitioner recently told me we could no longer say what
we thought in the AZI. Personally, I think things moved much too
quickly, without considering that what Deshimaru left needed
nothing other than to be practiced (and this seems to betray a profound
lack of faith). Like cultivating land that eventually bears
fruit. In France, the fruit will not be the same as in Japan, because the soil
is different.
I feel that a whole aspect of what Deshimaru transmitted, connected to simply
being totally present in body-mind, is being smothered by a return to
good manners, a conformity of practice supposedly setting the standard for
right practice—what I call Zen in a suit and tie. I was
lucky enough to learn zazen from someone who didn’t care about all that,
the formalities, and saw what was essential: bodaishin. I didn’t know Deshimaru,
but I believe I am following the path he opened through the mountain thanks to what
I received, including from Roland. Of course, I could be wrong. I
don’t always agree with Roland, or necessarily with you or others.
Nor do I reject what good I can take from each of you. It
simply seems to me that today many people want
a master who tells them what to think, to spare themselves the effort of thinking and
choosing for themselves. Yet I believe it is obvious that it falls to us
today to invent forms of expression for the Way in our modern
world, while remaining rooted in the transmission. In that sense, I
don’t want to stay confined to Zen either. While I like getting to know our
patriarchs, I enjoy reading Lee Lozowick, Daniel Odier, and Fabrice Midal,
and listening to Catholics, Muslims, and Jews, and simply to the world, because that
is what keeps the Way alive. And that is how I know Zen. Also
through art, ecology, life in all its forms… and with my partner
and my son.
Likewise, I enjoy talking with people from sanghas different from
those I know, including yours, because I believe it is far
more enriching than staying among ourselves in our own clan and
convincing ourselves we are the best. And I care less and less about appearing
”Zen-correct” or not, because I feel so much more alive!!
The person I mentioned in my previous question about pride
recently told me: “We practice as they do in Japan; we don’t ask
questions.” And that really scares me, sends chills down my spine!! Because I
practice in France, and above all I don’t want to stop asking
questions!! Nor resolve them by reducing Truth to holding your bowl
this way or striking the bell that way!!
I was ordained by Roland. I have read what you say about him regarding
ordinations. I understand and respect your viewpoint, because it is clear
and unambiguous. I am also trying to understand Roland’s perspective and
choices. Now, when I sit, all that matters little, and I
become exactly like both of you, Deshimaru, Buddha, and the
whole universe, even if my realization of That is tiny and lasts a
quarter of a second.
For my part, in being ordained I said yes to entering the cosmic order,
and although Roland ordained me, I don’t care whether the person next to me in zazen
is ordained or not, or ordained by someone else. I will be happy we are
sitting together, because that is what matters. Doing zazen seals
ordination; ordination seals zazen, and together it is even
better, beyond all choosing or rejecting!
I think this whole situation we are going through is a great koan;
otherwise Master Deshimaru would have died after giving shiho. And I hold
on to what he said before leaving, never to return: “Please,
continue zazen.” That is what I try to remain faithful to, and even though
I did not know him, I can feel in my cells all the love,
effort, and even suffering he must have experienced and known, simply
to transmit to us this treasure of “just sitting,” like Buddhas.
Like human beings.
Clearly, something is bubbling up more and more at the moment. I
feel it; it is physical, vibrational. Almost palpable.
Where are we going??
I don’t know. But I don’t want to walk just any path, and I
know today that there is no fatality in choice, but
responsibility for the direction I choose to take. As for
remaining faithful to what Taisen Deshimaru transmitted, I think we can feel
deep within what is right in this regard, without being deceived by
words, even a master’s words. Without being deceived by
an ego construction either! Tokuda said he was a giant, and
today I think we can still feel his breath.
But… but… but, if we aren’t careful, couldn’t the flame
go out? Because he dissolved into Ku, but we, today,
are here, existing in this world. So what should we do???
Attention!… Attention!…
Forgive me for going on so long and not asking a real question, but I
wanted to say this to you, from the bottom of my heart to yours.
Respectfully,
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Sometimes I am so sad that I can no longer be with my old zazen companions, can no longer practice at La Gendronière. I tell myself that if I had been in their place, I probably would have done as they did, and that what I criticize in them exists in a part of myself.
But I believe that if I am where I am, in my particular situation, it is to express a certain aspect of Sensei’s teaching, and I could not do that if I had stayed there.
Deshimaru was so universal that it is difficult for any one person to claim to represent him fully. He always said, “You must follow my idea,” but what was it? Roland’s or mine? I think each of us does what he believes is right and thus fulfills the task assigned to him. For my part, it is without compromise, as Niwa Zenji taught me when he gave me shiho.
Roland sent me a reply following my statement. I will publish it when I have had time to respond, since this is within the context of the online mondo. Isn’t it wonderful that two masters can discuss such important subjects?
Kosen