Question
I am writing because I am desperate at the moment (like many people on earth, I know), and I would like you to help me:
I feel like a machine. My body is dry and without sensitivity; even eating disgusts me. I don’t understand obese people.
I think too often about killing people and fucking.
There are many beautiful things on earth, full of poetry, such as nature, music, and people. But I constantly think about the political-economic system, etc., and I imagine and watch movies about the future, how Humanity will evolve. I am waiting for the next war… I spent six months in a psychiatric hospital for psychosis, and I feel no love or feeling for anything (why work for a company selling canned shit to people who don’t care…).
I lack a minimum of wisdom and goodwill to appreciate my surroundings, but I am not satisfied with them, because all my actions have no meaning or purpose: I am a machine.
So here are my questions:
1) You speak of the union of body and mind during zazen. How does that manifest in your daily life? Must all your gestures and attitudes be, how should I put it, imbued with compassion and attention? Are you more sensitive to your surroundings through zazen?
2) A famous Zen monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, spoke of mindfulness. I reflect on why I eat, for what purpose I speak. This represents a total revolution in one’s consciousness; it is the goal of Buddhism. But how should I put it—the sangha is one of the three refuges, I believe (a kind of sanctuary
where, through sesshins, we regenerate ourselves by touching our true nature). We become stronger, more stable, and able to help others.
How does your dojo or sangha radiate into the world, the cosmos (apart from through your website)? Do Buddhists have a real influence on people outside the dojo? Perhaps I am waiting for something from outside instead of looking within?
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
You say you feel like a machine. Yes, a wonderful machine in the service of your eternal mind.
The mind must inhabit this machine that is the body and reveal its true nature to it. It must also integrate its surroundings, which are attuned to a specific frequency with it. Compassion is simply that.
Kosen