Question
Hello, I became interested in Zen by reading "Questions to a Zen Master" by Master Taisen Deshimaru. "Nothing" and moving toward this "nothing" have always interested me. I started trying to do zazen on my own, and I have made an appointment at a Zen dojo to learn to practice zazen properly. I have always had this fire, this anger inside me that wanted to express itself, but it has always been blocked and locked in a safe deep within me. It would sometimes come out, but very briefly and in a very limited way (a finger sticking out of the safe). Now I would like to make peace with myself, and especially with this fire, let go, and stop trying to control things. But no matter what I do, I always remain the same, and this fire does not come out or break free of its chains. I think I have simply lost the key, and I do not know whether I will ever manage to let it out. What should I do to free myself? Thank you.
nakiat
Answer from Master Kosen
You are right: in Zen, nothingness is the potential for all things.
You did well to take the step of going to a Zen dojo to learn the foundations of correct practice properly.
Practicing incorrectly can be dangerous, or at best ineffective.
You say you want to free yourself from a fire burning inside. This fire, this anger, is frequently felt by many people these days. Too much violence, too much information, too much stimulation, too many desires and frustrations.
The more you try to free yourself from this fire, the more power you give it. Do not try to free yourself. Accept things as they are; simply observe. By continuing to practice and paying attention to your breathing, you will be able to regulate this fire and turn it into an alchemical fire.
It is like training an animal. If you succeed, that animal will serve you in the future.
Kosen