Question
Telling you about my life journey would take a lot of your time, so I will
refrain and try to summarize my current state as best I can.
First, I want to clarify that I have taken no courses and read very few
books about spirituality, so I lack all the
”technical” terms you use. I have even invented certain expressions to
give form to an inner concept, haha…
I am twenty-eight. I am aware of many things (many), as well as the
responsibility I now feel is mine. I have always followed my
life path with heart, as best I could, with all the integrity, love,
and rightness needed.
I am reaching a phase of my life where I face certain questions and
doubts, simply because I don’t know how to handle this. And above all, whom can I talk to?!
I am aware of who I am, aware of everything. I mean,
having lived it, I know… how should I say… I am aware of the intrinsic force
of everything. It is reassuring. I am aware of the potential I hold (me, my friends, and all human beings, to tell the truth…) and of the keys to liberation.
It’s like… as if I held all the information
inside. I like that very much.
That, and also the place between all places, the emptiness I call the space between two
worlds, where we find ourselves neither actor nor spectator, but even farther
behind all of that…
I love emptiness, especially this vibration of silence. It is like a
place where anything is possible, where deep down I feel we are
”creators,” truly…
Well, I can’t go back from all this. It was hard to accept, but it is
within me. Although at one point I thought I was crazy, now I live with it well.
(Almost.)
Let’s say, “I woke up.”
I know that at the stage I am at—let’s say the start of the beginning of the path that will lead me to initiation, which will lead me to…
there is still much work to do for my development, and I am aware of it.
No, the problem is that I would like to talk about this with someone “who knows.”
I think I need a master to point certain things out, especially
how to handle all this. I am terribly lacking in discipline, and the hardest thing for me is not “going up there”… but above all going up there AND coming back.
I feel responsible now, but still incomplete.
And walking among the “unaware” still saddens me enormously, even though I SENSE a global movement of “awakenings.”
In short, I have things inside me and don’t know what to do with them.
All I know is that now is the time to prepare.
I need help finding my place as an “awakened” person, to help
others… Do you understand?
Since this is how I usually sign off, well… a kiss of light. Peace
and courage. Nina.
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Zazen is the best method for handling this. Try it!
Kosen