Question
Master,
There are methods for getting children to sleep (usually between 6 and 36 months old) in which the child cries to the point of exhaustion. Recent studies show that this treatment causes the child a major shock with possible lasting effects. Moreover, children are raised without attention to their cries, in the belief that this will make them less demanding, more independent, stronger, etc. The underlying idea is that children are naturally manipulative and even mean if they are not restrained. To me, on the contrary, denying a child love and compassion takes away the security and trust they can have in their parents, themselves, and others, thus reinforcing selfishness and a lack of empathy. Confusing attention to a child’s cries with spoiling them is leading us toward training methods, if not outright abuse, such as the Ferber method and, in Spain, the Estivill method.
I think that if we want a better future, we must think of children first.
As a parent currently living through an anguishing situation in which my wife thinks letting our child cry has no serious consequences, and her psychologist sister suggests letting the child cry and vomit for four nights without taking her out of bed, believing that “the child makes herself vomit to get out” and that “in three nights everything will be settled,” I feel appalled and helpless. (Fortunately, my wife respected my wish not to inflict such cruelty, and our child now sleeps happily with us.)
Our differing views of parenting make our relationship difficult. My wife was raised with crying (learning this filled me with sadness), while I was not. My wife clings to her truth. I understand her attachment because I understand my own attachment to what I believe. Even so, I would be willing to drop all my beliefs and remain empty before my daughter’s cries, and with all my heart, the only thing I would do is take her in my arms.
I know this is not the proper way to participate in a mondo, and I apologize.
My question: what can I do to improve our situation? How can I help confront these cruel parenting methods?
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
To get the little one to sleep through the night, you must have the courage to let them cry for two or three nights in a row. Give them plenty to eat in the evening and let them cry. Not before three or four months, though; the mother must judge when the time is right.
Good luck,
…homeopathy is very effective for children.
Kosen