Question
I started practicing Buddhism more than ten years ago, I did retreats, etc., but my life is just as miserable as before, or even more. I have lost my faith in chanting mantras or sitting because it had not made me any happier or wiser. I feel old and kind of burned out, I do not feel the slightest inspiration to sit zazen, chant mantras or visualize deities any more. I sat a lot so I have these knee problems, nowadays I cannot sit more than a few minutes. What can/should I do?
Thanks,
Cloud
Cloud
Answer from Master Kosen
Dear Cloud,
I think that at this stage you should just take it easy, rest and especially do things that you like to do. Have a good contact with nature, trees, birds, sun, wind, stop thinking about zen, take a walk. There is a time for everything in life, everyone is free, no rush, give yourself the right to think about what is good for you. Heal your knees, try to focus on positive things, I mean do not let negative thoughs getting you, that by doing simple things. Start in the morning by deciding what you will do which can help you, start by imagining how this day could be beautiful, and then do what comes to your mind. At night, remember the good things of the day. Feel the simple fact that you are alive and your heart still young, no? Go for something simple. What ever you do, the dharma is still there, quiet, friendly, with you anyway, no need to push for whatever.
And then later when you feel better, you will see if you wish to go back or not. No obligation.
Take care,
Kosen