Question
You will not like my question, but it is important to me. I have worked in a design office for ten years. I have practiced zazen regularly in Dijon for nine years, and I have followed you at many sesshins over the past several years. I cannot manage to talk about Zen at work, so I talk to fewer and fewer people. I am very withdrawn, and above all I have been regularly losing it for the past year or two: I have major fits of anger in which I lose control, slam doors, and insult people. I wonder what Zen means to me if I have ended up this neurotic. It is an enormous block. A mixture of shame, misplaced pride, and a spoiled child’s tantrum… I do not have a well-formulated question, but do you have any advice to help me move forward a little? Thank you.
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
Yeah, well, you know, we never said Zen turns wolves into lambs. But the wolf simply has to watch his ass and not bite just anyone at any time if he does not want to end up getting killed by a hunter. Zen is not therapy. You must practice it without a goal, and deal with your problems alongside your practice if you notice that some of your behaviors are not quite appropriate.
Kosen