Question
Let me see how to explain this. I have a big problem, and although I am not coping too
badly with it, sometimes it worries me. I think my perception of life does not
match most people’s. Here is an example, about something that is not very
important, but I think it will make things clearer: where everyone sees good manners,
commitment, protocol, and knowing how to behave—that is, when we talk about
how other people have behaved, usually to criticize them, even though we have all
done the same thing!—I see a lack of trust, cynicism, self-interest, and
… I think self-interest, envy, cynicism… are part of
the human condition, and so I practice them too. But not denying
my condition is one thing, and quite another is proposing it as a way to
behave because I know that is what my group thinks, or because at that moment it is
what people want to hear. Look, if my worst enemy gets
blind drunk, I might tease her or even laugh at her, I don’t know. But what
I will never do is talk seriously about how awful and inappropriate I find that
behavior, especially considering that she was at a wedding.
I don’t know. Every time I give an opinion on something, besides being out of the ordinary, people go for
my throat. That is not what worries me, but the consequences this kind of
behavior may have for my relationships with others, especially if they are
important people in my life. There comes a point when I think, well, I am the only one who can
live my life, but it is also true that I live surrounded by
other people. Well, I don’t know; maybe I am losing it a little… It saddens me
to think that in the end I will have to give in to appearances if I do not want to
become depressed—or rather, saddened—in my relationships with others. But
that would also have consequences I do not want to accept, since right now the only thing
saving me is that I am myself! Somebody tell me something!!!!!
This is the first time in my life I have put some words out on the internet.
Maybe I will enjoy hearing opinions from people I do not know. Who knows!
Paula
Answer from Master Kosen
This is the voice of a woman in transformation, moving toward the victory of the gentle clarity of feminine consciousness.
Kosen