Question
Good evening,
First, I would like to say how precious the online mondo is to me when I am alone. Your answers usually caress my soul, even when you get angry.
I spend my life worrying about what other people want before knowing what I want, who I am, and what I need. I have done so for a long time.
Zazen and awakening have changed my life a great deal in this respect.
But I feel I could always slip back into a closed, joyless state of mind, cut off from my desires, if I don't maintain my practice.
Do you think I could one day remain permanently calm, with equal respect for myself and others?
Lucie Labastire
Answer from Master Kosen
I have practiced zazen every day for 50 years, and I ask myself the same question: "Do you think I could one day remain permanently in this calm?" Maybe I just have no talent for it after all? I am anything but a Zen kind of guy! Practice saves me every day. Of course, I try to make an effort, to correct myself, but I notice the malfunctions in my own machine, so I go to the dojo and reset myself, and I feel brand-new. This is called the human being observing the Buddha, the Buddha observing the human being. A religion that dictated what was right or wrong at every moment would be limited, narrow-minded, and dangerous. Calm gives rise to movement, and movement at its extreme returns to calm. What is good today will be bad tomorrow; what is bad today will be good tomorrow. In other words, we must follow God, not try to define him. Follow the cosmic order.
Kosen