Question
Perhaps I should not even ask you this, since it concerns my relationship with a master other than you, but I want to anyway. I will spare you the details; too long.
The fact remains that today, after deliberately not seeing him, I have only one desire: to sit with the person I consider my master. Yet for various reasons, I have reached a stage in my relationship with him where I want only one thing: to slap him. I do not want to judge whether that is good or bad; it is what I feel, just as alongside that desire there is immense love, perhaps greater than for my father. So yes, I am afraid of this visceral urge to slap him. I know this is part of some ancient masters’ stories, and I do not want to imitate them. But I cannot lie to myself or him, any more than I want to break this bond.
My deep question is: is slapping the master another way of doing sanpai before him, and is a master’s ability to receive this what identifies an authentic transmitter of the Dharma??
Thank you.
Wishing you well.
Anonymous
Answer from Master Kosen
I would say this kind of master-disciple relationship is somewhat neurotic. I understand feeling love and respect for a teacher who so generously transmits precious knowledge, and hoping he notices us and gives us signs of recognition. But if you give him your own power and want to maintain a dependent relationship with him, you are on the wrong track, and he must skillfully correct you. And if he cultivates this kind of relationship with his disciples instead of revealing their own nature to them, as often happens, he is also on the wrong track and deserves a slap in the face.
Very rare are the authentic masters whose sole concern is others’ salvation. I do not even know whether I deserve to place myself in that category.
Kosen