Hope you don't mind if I make an introduction before stating my point. A few years ago I had a delirious crisis which led me to a psychiatric hospital for 10 days. That episode was presented in the form of negative thoughts and even nightmares which were imposed to me very quickly and lead me in all directions with eccentric interpretations, I had been seeing for a long time (until recently) a psychiatrist and a psychologist for whom I was neither schizophrenic nor psychotic, I took up zazen again without problems (all alone at home) and once in a dojo, 2 years after the psychological episode, just during zazen, this crisis started over, I was petrified, my thoughts were completely black and I wanted to flee the dojo, but I didn't do it, my heart was beating wildly, I perspired abnormally, everything was out of control. Nobody realized anything and during the second part of zazen there were more problems, I was afraid to put my buttock back on a zafu the following months.
My question is: can zazen worsen a condition or make it re-appear and what to do when one is seated in the posture to get out? Can one stop (in the dojo I did not dare because of the DON'T MOVE! even if one can but not for a long time) can one inspire by the mouth or is there other techniques to calm oneself down?
This was very long, accept my apologies but I did not dare to speak about it up to now
Answer from Master Kosen
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