I've been thinking since a long time ago that it would be beneficial to attend a spiritual retreat with you in France. I've also considered being ordained. I've been practicing Tibetan Buddhism for a long while, but I don't know why, I feel empathy for Zen masters.
I've been struck by Kodo Sawaki (as if his photographs gave me strength), by Deshimaru and by yourself (I feel empathy, though I've never met you physically). I don't know why, but you give me strength, although I think it is no longer enough.
I was reading a book of Zen commentaries (Joko Beck, a disciple of Yasutani Roshi), and I've asked for a final answer. A short while after, a young boy came in to clean where I was seated. I told him: "Please do!". He answered: "Thanks". I began to cry for no reason. As if a strucutre had broken, as if nothing was important and as if all the "invested" time was spent to no avail.
I wanted to tell you about this.
I feel, deep inside of me, a definitive change, but this makes me deeply anxious, for I feel empty, weak, frightened and very fragile. I humbly ask some advice. Thanks a lot. (I will keep on practicing zazen, in any case, for I think there's nothing to lose...). I hope I will attend a retreat in this life, even as a beginner.
Answer from Master Kosen
Welcome to my summer camp.
Mondo On the same theme : Emotions
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