Hi, I started to get interested in Zen after reading "Questions to a Zen Master" by Master Taisen Deshimaru. "Nothing" and going to this "nothing" has always attracted me, I started trying to do Zazen alone and I made an appointment in a Zen dojo to learn how to practice Zazen. I have always had this fire, this anger in me that wanted to express itself, but it has always been blocked and imprisoned in a safe in the depths of myself. It sometimes went out but in a very short and very limited way (a finger that protruded from the chest). Now I would like to make peace with myself and especially with this fire, let myself go and no longer be on control. But no matter what I do, I always stay the same and that fire does not come out and is not released from its chains. I think I just lost the key and I don't know if I could ever get it out. What should I do to free myself? Thank you.
Answer from Master Kosen
You are right, in Zen, "nothing" is the potentiality of all things.
You did well to make the move to go to a Zen dojo to learn the basics of a correct practice.
Practicing incorrectly can be dangerous or, at best, ineffective.
You say you want to free yourself from a fire that burns inside. This fire, this anger is felt frequently and by many people these days. Too much violence, too much information, too much stimulation, too many desires, frustrations.
The more you seek to free yourself from this fire, the more you will empower it. Do not try to free yourself, accept things as they are, observe, that's all. By continuing practicing and paying attention to your breathing you will be able to regulate this fire and transform it into an alchemical fire.
It's like raising an animal, if you succeed, that animal will serve you in the future.
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