Dear Master, first let me express my great respect and deep friendship. Since a while ago, my practice is coca-light like, because of doubts which, in spite of my presence and my joie de vivre, are persistant and come back at the slightest shot of blues or insatisfaction. Despite of my research, many things remain conceptual: must we totally relax and let everything go? When I practice this way, my hands cannot keep the mudra form, and my posture goes backward. In my daily life, I feel like a vegetable, I feel no joy and am not able to laugh or smile any longer, I feel like I become serious, just as when you feel that practice becomes a goal or you get trapped into a kind of hermitage concept or you hide without speaking or you do not feel love any longer, this extraordinary feeling which makes a face authentic.
Then, since I keep a middle way posture, that is, not relaxing nor being stiff, my posture seems correct and my breathing, just as Master Deshimaru explains, is powerful and lengthy and pushes on my bowels, which makes my posture stable, and in this state of mind, I always smile, as long as I keep breathing in that conscious way, wherever I am. Is this normal to feel positive emotions or should one stay neutral and let go any emotions, love included?
For when watching Masters who never smile and who relax and give the impression that they are lost in their consciousness, this questions my practice. However sure I am, I have not been able to see beyond appearances, are they happy? If so, why do they not express it by smiling broadly, watching all the wonderful things that surround them and feeling a powerful love. Is love excluded from zazen? When I practice zazen, I sometimes feel this boundless love where all is wonderful now, where nothing is missing, when joy overflows me and becomes a source of light for all beings I meet. Does one have to feel nothing and stay neutral? Does equanimity mean an absence of emotions or accepting pleasure and pain and emmbracing all in a heart filled with positive emotions such as gratitude, love, joy, compassion etc.? I lean towards the second solution but they talk about not feeling joy, pain, etc. I do not know if this is attachment to or rejection of external joy or pain, and not a healthy joy which comes naturally from our very nature.
Thanks to have read this post, thanks in advance, I send you all my positive thoughts.
Answer from Master Kosen
Stay natural and accept whatever comes ♬♪♩♩♫♬♬✿✿✿
Mondo On the same theme : Posture
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